Lessons in Humanity

Sometimes I wonder, when I'm up a little too late
After working for eight hours then wasting the rest
When the dark settles in with its muffled sigh
Like the last black grains sliding into the bottom part of the glass
When night gnaws with rodent teeth at the back of my mind
Hissing the list I buried under fluttering butterfly thoughts
When everyone is gone and I am finally alone
Is there something I missed?

Sometimes I wonder, when I step across the border
Victorious and dragging the vanquished in my wake
When it's blowing all my seams just trying to keep coherent
Because it's a hidden sort of significance, though perhaps I can explain
When the words inevitably fail as I look back to the conquest
Elated turns to frustrated turns to deflated
When that joyous pressure lifts and I'm empty and alone
Is there something I missed?

Sometimes I wonder, when I'm out with friends
After a long, productive week of completed tasks and checked boxes
When everyone is laughing and my face bends to suit the occasion
Like a half-done frozen dinner: warm, but only on the outside
When my mind narrows down to pinpoint-precision
Ready to strike every target and respond correspondingly
When everyone is there but I might as well be alone
Is there something I missed?

And sometimes I wonder, when a blow finally hits
Knocking the out of sync bits into alignment
When the pain sets in and I fight it with paralysis
No one knows you're weak when you don't move
When I clench my teeth and turn myself to stone
But not enough to hinder the frantic scuttle back into my burrow
When the opportunity comes, and I choose to be alone
Is there something I missed?